Too late for second guessing –
Too late to go back to sleep –
It’s time to trust my instinct,
Close my eyes – and leap!
So now that my studio is full of wonderful, talented people, I have a teaching job at a university, and my remodeling project is almost done, what am I going to do?
Move.
And I’ve had second thoughts, particularly when I sit on my deck in my sky chairs on a nice evening and look out over my pond. Or when any one of my students sing particularly wonderfully (which happens pretty much every day).
But in an addition to being a teacher, I’m a singer. And honestly, I haven’t gotten to sing as much as I want to and as much as I still can. I proved that to myself in July when I sang in the Hal Leonard Showcase at the NATS Conference in Orlando. I proved it before that at the MacDowell Club Concert, singing the Chausson “Chanson Perpetuelle” with a piano quartet. I still have something to offer as a singer and, for some reason, it’s not happening here in Milwaukee.
I’m through accepting limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I’ll never change
But till I try, I’ll never know
I can’t change that I’m returning to Baltimore 17 years older than I was when I left. (I was only supposed to be here three years!) And I can’t guarantee that I’m going to get singing work there, but since I’m not getting any here, it can’t be worse. I haven’t been onstage in a role since 2004 and haven’t been in an opera since 2001 (I’m not counting 2003’s Viva la Mamma because my role was so truncated by the choice to replace recitative with dialogue that I only sang ONE solo line).
I am fulfilled by my teaching and I want to continue doing it. But it’s not enough. I still need to sing. Somewhere. And the fact is that there are more opportunities for me out east than there are here. Right now I feel like I’m just treading water and not getting anywhere.
Unlimited – my future is unlimited.
I’m here till the end of May (big studio recital on Mother’s Day – it’ll be a “Best of” recital!) and then I’m going back to where I was the happiest as a performer. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to combine the joy that I feel as a teacher with the joy I had as a performer. And maybe I’ll find that I’m happier teaching and will scale back my performing. But till then …
Everyone deserves a chance to fly.
I’m oiling up my wings in anticipation.
Lyrics courtesy of http://www.hamienet.com/lyrics90481.html